Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas everyone. I pray you all have a blessed holiday. I hope for a day's reprieve from the struggles of life, and that you can all have one day of peace.

Have a holly jolly Christmas

Not much going on here. Just trying to stay ahead of Christmas/work/theatre all bearing down on me. 

Why is it, that when you have a million things going on, you have no time to get any of them done? But when you actually do have the time to tackle a project there's nothing to do? I don't understand that particular cruel twist of fate. 

I know this blog doesn't make much sense. Frankly, I have absolutely nothing to blog about, but I was getting tired of seeing the I.H.A.T.U title on the top of my page. It was depressing me. And now it's in this blog. Good work me. 

Merry Christmas everyone. Hope you all have a wonderful holiday! I probably won't be back on blog until after Christmas...possibly into the new year. Working is not condusive to blogging, but it is condusive to paying a bill or two.

Why I.H.A.T.U is now running through my head.

Today has been a wonderful day of rising above "the man". Of course in my case "the man" title is shared by one of my co-workers and a first grader. Now what do these two diverse people have in common you ask? Well I'll tell you.

Let me lay the scene:

At 8 am my great nieces and nephew, ages 6, 5, and 3 come to the house. We're watching all three children today because their mother is out of town, and their dad is at work. The oldest girl is at school, and the next oldest goes at 11:15. My great nephew is staying with us all day.

At 10 am or so I now know I'm running behind in getting everything I need to do done before I leave. Having children at my house, and a husband at a ministers meeting is not condusive to accomplishing tasks that require a modicum of concentration. So I call my co-worker who I am working for tomorrow. Now this co-worker never actually told me if I'm working a half day or a whole day, so my plan is to say I can work a half day because it'd be really nice to have the afternoon to complete my to-do list. To make a long story short, my co-worker basically throws a fit on the phone because she wanted to take a full day off, and actually tells me to "get organized". *sigh* Ok. So instead of fighting for myself, I just tell her that "ok, I'll work all day (because you have a ONE HOUR doctors appointment in the morning)"  I didn't actually say the part in the parenthesis. I should have though.

So, having completed that useless phone call I continue on with my day. The two kids and I make a loaf of apple bread. Flour is everywhere, but fun is had by all. Then the other girl goes to school. I make Mac and Cheese for the one that's left, he eats it, and actually lays down for a nap. To good to be true. I had two hours of blissful silence to concentrate on my hard tasks.

Then, at 2:45 the girls get out of school and Rob goes to football practice.

I'm dropping the kids off back at home at 5, so I only have a couple more hours with them until it's time to go. No big deal. I handled the entire day, a couple of hours shouldn't be that hard. Cinderella 3 is requested, and we stick it in the machine. They watch maybe 10 minutes of it then start screaming. Not at anything, just screaming. I, in my deafness, decide that if I watch the movie with them they might settle down and save the rest of my hearing. They calm down a tad, color a little, and semi-peacefulness reigns.

Then, the movie is over and all hell breaks loose.

It's almost time for the kids to go. They have maybe, a 45 minutes left. We make another loaf of apple bread somewhere in the middle of it all. And then they start behaving like monsters. It was like aliens came and abducted the nice children I had and replaced them with DEMONS! The oldest, who charmingly enough has learned to write. Wrote on a piece of paper 4 things: I love you, I hate you (spelled I hat you), you are silly, and you are funny. She then proceeded to fold the paper up until only the I hate you part was showing and kept showing it to me. I tried every different way I could to get the kids under control to no avail. The youngest two I could manage fine, but the oldest...I actually had to manhandle her to the car when it was time to go, without shoes, socks, or a coat because she was running away from me. After I got the lovely written message of I hat you. I told her that "no, she couldn't kick my window" and "no, she couldn't pound on my piano, but play it nicely" she started jumping on the couch and yelling at the top of her lungs I.H.A.T.U. When I finally figured out what she was spelling I just sat down on the couch and let them run. They were screaming, yelling, and behaving like monkeys, but I had had it. The oldest was chanting all the while I.H.A.T.U. Basically all I did for the last 15 minutes of my time with them was keep them from bleeding, but other than that they did whatever they could trying to provoke me to anger. I never got angry, and their behavior got worse. I just gave them the options of sitting down and putting on their shoes so we could go home, or go home without shoes and socks. The youngest two finally conceded to the shoes and socks and coat. But I wrestled a kicking 6 year old to the car, who was still chanting I.H.A.T.U. at the top of her lungs. No coat, no socks, no shoes. She looked at me and said "I HATE YOU" and I told her "Well I'm not particularly fond of you at this moment either sugar" and buckled her into her car seat. 

And she's had her revenge, because I can't get the chant of I.H.A.T.U. out of my head. 

But wait there's more! My husband just walked in the door after youth group tonight with a small bouquet of flowers and some chocolate. Suddenly my co-worker and I.H.A.T.U seems manageable. :) What a sweetie.

Oh my Oklahoma

I'm attempting to change the background on my blog. I'm not particularly sure it worked. When I start trying to change things on my computer without asking Rob how to do it, bad things happen. 

My plans for this week before I leave for Texas for almost a month are as follows *ahem*

1) Pack

2) Make freezable dinners so my husband can eat while I'm gone

3) Get all CD's I want to take for our trip in some sort of CD sleeve

4) Make turkey 

5) Finish making apple bread

6) Pay bills

7) Pick up clutter around house

8) Do laundry

9) Sweep/mop

10) Cut funky burrs out of Touchstone's tail

11) Make sure Touchstone has a bath

12) Get advertising stuff completely done for EORT

13) Get wood and stack it at the house

14) Put recipes on my travel drive, or print out.

That actually might be it. I know I have to work next Thursday if I'm here, and I have a board meeting that evening. If I really get moving though, I should be able to get it all done. Maybe I can talk Rob into bathing Touchstone. :)

Ghouls and Boys

 Happy Halloween everyone!! I like Halloween. To me it signifies the beginning of the holiday season, and being that much closer to Thanksgiving, and then Christmas. I love the time of year between Halloween and New Years. I feel better during that time, I'm more pleasant to people in general.

We're not handing out Halloween candy this year though. As sad as that news is, (because I always give out chocolate for Halloween candy) we just couldn't afford it this year. PLUS Rob has a football game, so that was a nice excuse to not be at home. If I were at home I'd be sitting downstairs in the dark hoping no one would knock on my door asking for candy. I'd have to seriously dissapoint a lot of people in my neighborhood. And I hate sitting in the dark on Halloween.

Both Rob and I have been sick this past week with two different sicknesses. Rob has had body aches and a cough. I've had a serious sore throat and sinue issues. It's like we caught the flu, but God split up the symptoms between us so we wouldn't be overwhelmed with yuck. Just sick at the same time...handy.

As far as Rob's job search is going, I think we've probably come down to either applying at a grocery store, or McDonalds. *sigh* While I understand his lack of motivation to apply at either of the two places, I'm getting tired of being poor. I'm also beginning to believe I'm the only one who completely understands our financial situation. But, I can't say anything I haven't already said, in any other way, that would make him see how stressed I am about it all. So I just love him, and continue to hope that the dentist office calls me more than twice in one month.

Mom and I are getting ready to head to Texas in a week or two. Arly's baby is just about done cooking. We're going to be there through Thanksgiving. I don't think I've spent a Thanksgiving with Arly since she got married. That's to long. Maybe someday she'll come up here for a holiday...Christmas maybe? :) That'd be fun.

The Ladybug Picnic

This video was my favorite on Sesame Street when I was younger. The guy who sings it got a job at Pixar later. 

He wrote, directed, and did all the voices and music for a short video about a sheep in a desert. It was really cute.

I also get this song stuck in my head...a lot.

There's not really much more to say. I haven't been feeling well the past few days so I've been trying to take it easy.

Enjoy the video. :) It makes me smile.

Pumpkins are on sale at Safeway and Albertsons now. Yay October!!

It's time for a deep clean of my house. We have the "coaches after party" at our house this Friday, and I need to get it ready. There is an interesting dynamic that plays into the "coaches after party" it's almost like the wives are trying to outdo each other without actually admitting it to each other, or themselves. Last time we had Mexican-ish with a disgusting pudding pie type thing. However this week, since it's at our house, we're having corn chowder and cinnamon rolls. Which means I have to make everything, and keep it warm until about 11 at night when everyone comes over. No big deal, but on top of all that I'm giving my house a thorough deep cleansing. Which is terrifying.

I honestly don't think my kitchen has ever been this clean. I don't think Rob even knows to what extent I've gone through to clean my house this week. I think if he knew he would wonder why I was doing all of that. But trust me, some of the coaches wives (and one is also my co-worker) will see every speck of dirt I don't get to. Must carry on...must disinfect my house...must keep my husband contained to only two rooms (bedroom and bathroom) so he doesn't explode his clutter piles on my freshly disinfected surfaces...must...soldier...on...must...get...every...last...speck...of...dirt...

I really am starting to envy Hermione Granger's ability to use a wand.

I'm having a harder time, here lately, with being...normal. Normal for me anyway. For some reason, whenever I'm around anyone, it feels like I'm not quite who I am. It's like my brain leaves me, and a massive buzzing noise issues from the space my brain vacated. I try to talk, but everything I say comes out wrong. When I mean to be charming, I'm insulting. When I mean to be funny, I'm boring. When I mean to be peaceful, all of the sudden I'm really cranky. I don't get it. I don't feel like I'm projecting who I actually am to everyone else. Just this strange vapor of a human being.

I have had such a hard time after the conclusion of Pride and Prejudice motivating myself to do anything. Every once in awhile I'll get up and clean my house because I can't stand it anymore. I've baked a few times. But during the day, when I should be working on theatre stuff...or house stuff...or whatever, I just can't motivate myself to do anything. I just want to sit on the couch, drink tea, and read Harry Potter books. I think I seriously wore myself out with that play. It's a miracle I escaped August without an ulcer, or doing myself some sort of inadvertent harm. It's come down to the fact that after this summer, I'm heartily sick of theatre. Well, that's not true. If I had just one job for the play I don't think I'd be in this state, but I had three. Actor, Costume Designer, person in charge of Ads. Plus I worked at the dentist office pretty much full time. I don't want to do anything, and frankly I think I'm entitled. Unfortunately, I'm directing the next play, which I wrote, and it goes up at the end of October.

Speaking of which, I auditioned for my show last week. Three weeks should be enough for our rehearsal process. It's not a huge show. But no one showed up to my auditions. No one. At all. *sigh* So now I have a quandry. I hate quandries. They make my life harder.

My taste buds have left the building

Wow, I just burnt my tongue on some INSANELY hot lemon garlic chicken leftovers. Holy crap. I apparently microwaved it to the scalding temperature. Ok. Now that that painful experience is over, maybe in a few days I'll regrow my taste buds.

For the past couple of days I've had things I've wanted to blog about, but I haven't had the time. Now that I have the time I can't think of one single thing I wanted to say. So, because of this I'll give you a video that has brought me a lot of joy in the past few days. Enjoy.

The library and it's drama

So, I'm sitting at the Baker County Library trying to work on my children's theatre script. I've been coming here everyday I can for the past couple of weeks. Interesting things happen at the library, and here are a few things I've learned...

1) There are a profusion of red cars in Baker.

2) Men playing chess is humorous. Old men playing chess and reacting to it like it were a loud sporting event is hilarious.

3) Bill Peet wrote some amazing children's books in his time.

4) Virginia Creeper did not get it's name by happenstance.

5) Elderly people and preteens come to the library in the mornings, which make for an exciting mix.

6) They really do frown upon talking in the "quiet" part of the library.

7) You can have very long conversations about absolutely nothing when trying to avoid working...but not in the quiet part of the library.

8) Not even the vast knowledge contained in the library will help me rewrite the trouble spots in my play.

9) Lavender, in August, is not very pretty if it's not taken care of.

10) No matter what time of day, or what time of year, the library has it's air conditioning on. And no matter where I sit, I'm directly under or over a vent.


So, now that I'm completely distracted by looking out the windows constantly, the loud noises coming from the chess boards, and the sub-zero temperatures of the library I think I'll go and get myself a coffee. The profusion of caffeine in my blood stream should help me settle down and focus. Or at least get rid of the pounding headache I woke up with. Or, at the very least, make me VERY happy to be alive.

Little Less Conversation...a few more pictures of dress rehearsal.

Pictures of Pride and Prejudice with Lizzy's song on it. "A Little Less Conversation, A Little More Action" by Elvis and the Chemical Brothers is the song I listen to while getting ready for the production. I listen to a different one during intermission.

Enjoy.

Laundry...I love you...I know thou art mine...

Ok, so I know I haven't blogged in quite awhile, but I've been busy. Really I have. I'm not just saying that to make myself feel better...or to make you feel better...or whatever it is that comments like that are supposed to do. Since last I blogged I've dealt with working full time...finishing up the costumes for the summer show...having a work crew of 40 people down to work with the church...I had rehearsal every night....performance for 4 of those nights....and guests in my house...

Seriously...no time to blog. I barely have time to eat and sleep.

Fortunately, I had last night and tonight off from doing anything (besides massive amounts of laundry) so I thought I'd catch up with the blogging.

...oooookay....blogging....there's so much happening in Rob's and my life right now...and none of it I can really divulge....hmmmm....(Oh. No we are not pregnant. For those of you whose heart skipped a beat...mother) uh.....

Let's just say that Rob and I need your prayers...big time. (Our marriage is fine...don't worry about that) Just pray for us please. We need intervention and direction from God, and both of us are to firmly in the middle of it all to pray with a clear head.

Thanks. Love you all.

Does Lemon Cheese taste like Lemons or Cheese?

It's Sunday night. I have to work on Monday. I have rehearsal on Monday, and it's a full dress rehearsal. *sigh* Do I have everything done? No. Am I close...yes-ish. It'll be interesting tomorrow to see who has what and why. First dress is always an adventure.

I'm so tired right now. I've been sewing buttons and doing button holes all weekend. I'm tired of hand stitching...oh crap. I forgot. I have one more hat to build. Poo. Well back to work...

And I can't get you out of my head...

I think I'm going insane. (of course some of you would say "going?") I seriously cannot stop thinking about P&P. I think about my character. I think about the costume design. I think about how people look in their costume. I think about different ways Peter and I could play the last Act. I just can't stop...I'm not sleeping because I can't stop.

I wish I could sleep without the use of allergy medicine to put me into a stupor. I wish my brain would shut off.

And thus I die...thus...thus...thus...

We're entering into the final few days I have left to oversee my costume design. Our show technically doesn't go up until NEXT Thursday, but I'm working all of next week. So basically I'll have time to work...and rehearse. I don't think eating will be in the plan...no time...bummer. Which means *deep breath* that I have to get everything done by Sunday evening...oh dear Lord...I might die thusly.

I could sleep last night. So I organized buttons and shoes. I can't sleep again tonight so I think I'm going to take a few dresses downstairs and watch movies while I hem. Or maybe I'll just watch incredebly awesome Star Trek: The Next Generation episodes on youtube and stay in my warm costume shop. I think I might do that. Although the other night I had a reoccurring dream about the Borg taking over the little "village" I lived in. It was incredably scary (as it always is). I might leave out the scary Borg episodes out of my late night escapade.

Just an update on P&P that isn't costume design related. Peter and I had a freaking awesome rehearsal on Tuesday night. Which came after a rehearsal with just him and I, where we were able to talk and figure out where we were going and why and what drove us there. (Or whom, and in what car) Our Act 2 rehearsal tonight wasn't so great, but we're getting together on that Saturday. In fact, our Act 2 rehearsal tonight was so tough that a donkey brayed in the middle of our final proposal scene and it was oddly appropriate. Funny? Yes. Disheartening? A tad.

And nary a dust speck was seen.

So, today was the big day. It was the day where all the actors came over and tried on their costumes, and I got to get button measurements, and pin hems. I spent a lot of time on the floor because of it. My shop floor is now dust free...however...it's on my pants. *sigh*

Things went well. I have a lot of work to do, but not as much as I could have. I've been in worse shape 2 weeks out on other shows. I think I'll make it...this time. Now, If I could only learn my lines...

I went see Mamma Mia the other day. I thought it was amazing. It wasn't on purpose stupid, and it wasn't on purpose smarty pants. It was unapologetic for itself. It was what it was. I don't generally laugh out loud at movies. But this one had me doubled over with tears streaming out of my eyes. I loved it. And even Pierce Brosnan wasn't bad-esque. He was on pitch, he just wasn't a trained singer. I think that's the problem people had with him in this movie.

My thoughts are so disorganized right now. I'm tired after my day of reassuring actors they're not fat, and crawling all over the floor. I think I'll go sit outside and try to do a crossword puzzle. Or maybe I'll just stare into space. It'll probably be the last option.

Dying, Parades, and my grocery list

I can't, for the life of me, remember if it's 2008 or 2009. I don't know why I have this problem, but every once in awhile I just can't seem to remember what year it is. I wrote 2004 the other day and I know it's not that year at least. It's like my brain gives out and gets tired and doesn't want to work anymore. It scares me to start my sewing today since I can't remember what year it is. The way I figure it is if I can't remember the stuff I should know, like which year it is, why should I tempt the fates to remember important stuff...like how to sew a sleeve on a bodice.

I think what I'll do is take my costume bible to Safeway and BiMart and go buy fabric dye. I can buy fabric dye at least.

The parade on Saturday was fun. Peter and I looked awesome. Good times were had by all. If I had the pictures on my computer I'd put some on here for ya, but I don't. They're on Rob's computer. Someday Arly, you'll see pictures of my costume design for Pride and Prejudice. :)

Also, in my last blog I mentioned that I was dissatisfied with the way Act 2 is going. Well come to find out, so is Peter. He also leaves Act 2 rehearsals very pensive. That made me glad. I figure if both of us dislike the way Act 2 is progressing we can change it. It's not just me being a Diva.

Ok, off to wake up the bear who is napping and head to the store for dye. YAY! Dye, and salt. And possibly eggs. Not that I need eggs for dying dresses, but I need eggs to eat. And bread. Eggs and Bread....and Sleepytime Tea. Because I'm out. OK! Dye, Salt, Eggs, Bread, and Tea...I think that's it.

Oh why am I sitting in the dark?

We rehearsed Act 2 tonight, and I'm very dissatisfied with it. Whenever we rehearse Act 2 I come home...pensive. I'm not happy with where Liz is taking me. Mainly because I don't think it's Liz. I think it's me, trying to be Liz, but being to tired to put much effort into it. Plus, right now with the direction, I spend most of the last half of the play embarrassed. I'm embarrassed at Pemberley, I'm embarrassed when Darcy comes over to Longbourne, I'm embarrassed at the final proposal. I don't like it.

Plus the way the final proposal is directed there is absolutely no passion to it at all. Shouldn't there be? I mean, finally...these two people get together after all they've been through, and it's...stoic. Or at best...embarrassed. :) *sigh*

Peter and I are going to be in the parade on Saturday. This will give us at least one hour of uninterrupted "together" time to discuss this lack of passion. Oh and we're going to discuss it. :) Although I have to say tonight, the kiss was better. At least it lasted longer than 1 millisecond. Poor Pete. Has to kiss an old lady with a huge pimple on her cheek. Poo. Sorry I'm not 18 and cute Peter. Although you'll never read this, so why am I apologizing?

I've been working 11 hours a day and heading straight to rehearsal for the past 2 weeks. I'm really tired, and really overworked. I'm glad for the weekend. I'll be able to get my groove back. I don't work for 2 weeks, so I'll be able to get the costume design finished. I'm at the start of a very productive, and not quite as tiring, 2 weeks. Beautiful. I'm looking forward to sleeping until I wake up tomorrow. Maybe my next post won't be quite so...down. An honest talk with my fellow actor, and some sleep. They are good things for emotional health.

BLAH! Blah blah, and more blah...

I have a serious case of insomnia. And it's not so much insomnia, but the fact that I can't shut my brain off at night. I read my lines and think about them, I think about rehearsal (the one we just had, or the ones coming up), I think about the costume design and where I'm at with how many weeks I have left, I think about the ad sales list I have to get done and out to people to sell next week. I think about my character and where she's going. I think about my character in relationship to all the other characters in the play.

On top of all that we have lots of company coming this next week. I'm working Oral Surgery week, and trying to be involved with a VBS at church that could come at a better time if everything was up to me.

PLUS...I can't get rid of a stomach ache and the feeling that I'm hungry all the time, I'm having allergy issues with all things that bloom, and gas prices are so bad we spent 50 bucks on gas for the shaggin' waggon and it only filled it up a third of the way. I can't afford to make it to rehearsals...I need a different car.

AND...I need to clean my house, finish the dishes, take out the trash, pay the bills, clean the bathroom, unload a bunch of boxes into theatre storage, water my plants, mow the lawn, do some laundry, and change the sheets on my bed.

And I need to attempt to keep my husband happy and not yell at him for every minor irritation that comes my way.

There really aren't enough hours in the day at this point. maybe that's why my days run into each other. I also think I'm developing an ulcer.

Why am I awake now? Again?

I've figured out something. My body really likes 3 am. It likes getting up out of a nice warm bed. It likes coming downstairs where it's cold and dark and trying to will itself back to sleep. It likes the feeling of being half awake the next day. *sigh*

I am once again awake at 3 if you had not guessed. I woke up suddenly because I was dreaming, and in my dream Touchstone was chasing squirrels and he jumped and when he landed he broke his leg really bad. I thought it had actually happened when I woke up, and I didn't really know where I was...or who I was with at that point. It was very sudden. I now know that I was in bed, in my house, sleeping with my husband...I'm still in my house, but I wish I was still in bed...sleeping with my husband.

My day of sewing yesterday was a frustrating one. It was a day of sew,rip, sew, rip. Everything I put together I had to take out again for one reason or another. I'm getting very tired of working by myself in my hot little room. I think about waaaaaaaaay to many things when I spend that much time alone, inside my head. I did finally get the dress I was working on done though. It was through the grace of God, but I got it done. I think He knew I couldn't handle working on it again for a third day.

I'm plugging away at this stuff. Tomorrow I'm going to start Mr. Bingley's costume. Hopefully all will go well. I need a change in fabric from the bleached white muslin I've been working with for the dresses. You can only look at so much white before it all blends together and becomes a blur. Fortunately, Mr. Bingley's costume is brown twill. Not that any of you care...

Alright, I'm going to work on my lines. If I have to be awake at 3 I might as well be doing something productive. Hopefully that'll tire me out too. I don't want to stay awake for hours tonight.

Character dissection (Really boring for non-actors)

My shoulder has been killing me today. I don't know if it's because I slept on it wrong last night, or the repetitive movement of sewing over the last couple of weeks has had anything to do with it, but today it's killing me. I hope it goes away. I can barely move.

I'm up again. It's almost 11 and I'm wide awake. Poor Rob wanted to go to sleep at 6 this evening, but managed to stay awake until 9. I, on the other hand, am desperately drinking Sleepytime Tea, hoping it'll help me relax...and help take the shoulder pain away. So, because I'm awake. And because I'm working on Pride and Prejudice at the moment, this blog is going to be the random thoughts that occur to me to help me make a character. Discontinue reading if you wish. This really will be of no help to anyone but myself.

I wrote a few things to think about on my script tonight as I was going over my lines. The first one is "Where is the arc to Liz and Darcy?" And really...right now...Peter and I need to find that together.

Does Lizzy have Quiet Rage or Passionate Anger? This, I believe will be the question that dictates how Lizzy emerges. How does she react when presented with the first proposal of Darcy's? Does she get loud, or does she get quiet and pointed. The latter I believe. She's not someone who yells, but you know exactly where you stand when she's done dissecting your many character flaws. I believe she reacts with quiet rage at Darcy's horriffic proposal. She believes herself to be in the right about Jane, and about Wickham. Darcy is insulting in his proposal anyway. She lets it all fly at him. But in the book it says that after he leaves she cries for a half hour. No one cries that much unless a lot of pent up emotion is involved. If she let Darcy have it full voiced...crying wouldn't occur AFTER he leaves, it would occur during the interview. Control...control and composure while growing more angry. That should be fun to explore.

The next question I have is when does Lizzy herself begin to love Darcy? Darcy we all know "loves" Lizzy from almost the outset. I have a few theories. I'm writing them down to see which one comes across as more plausable.
1) Lizzy loves him after the letter he writes in his defense.
She knows that Darcy is innocent of any injustice done to Wickham, and in fact is the victim of Wickham wanting to "get at him" through Georgiana. She knows her accusations have been totally unjustified. Even the accusations about Bingley/Jane. Her family IS embarassing. Darcy didn't say anything she didn't already know.

2)When they meet at Pemberley with the Gardiners.
He is gentle and amiable towards the three of them when he finds them unexpectedly on his grounds. He has made so material a change, and Lizzy knowing what she knows of him after the letter, is more apt to give him the benefit of the doubt. But does she love him? She jokes that she was in love with him after seeing "his beautiful grounds at Pemberley" but this is just a joke. Or does Lizzy say anything that doesn't have some hint of truth to it?

3)Does she love him when she confesses that Lydia has run off with Wickham?
This is the confession of confessions right here. In the book it says that she could have "honestly felt she could have loved him as now, when all love must be in vain" When she thinks that she is diminishing in his estimation because of Lydia's behavior. She opens herself up to redicule here. If Darcy wanted to he could scorn her, and she still lay's bare all her most intimate concerns. She's finally defensless, and helpless around him.

4) She loves him throughout the entire book/play?
I'm wondering about this one. Some parts of me say "Absolutely not!" because of her complete contempt toward him regarding Wickham and Jane. And I'm not sure the reasoning I have to say "well maybe she is...". It's just a small voice somewhere inside me that says it's so. I know she's certainly attracted to Darcy from the outset. I think she tries to tease herself out of it because she's so prejudiced toward Darcy after he refuses to dance with her at the first assembly, and because of Wickhams stories. Plus the fact that her feelings are hurt because of the Jane/Bingley episode. But does she love him? That's a pretty strong word when it comes down to it. Maybe it's an attraction that goes from attraction, to contempt/disgust of him, to love. But never losing the attraction that made her want to argue with him in the first place.

This is all for the moment. There will be more in time that I may, or may not blog about. I just figured since I was awake this late, and I was thinking about all this stuff that I might as well put it down "on paper" so to speak.

Everyone have a great day in church tomorrow!! Enjoy your summer weather, it's going to be a hot one for us for sure! I can't wait for the Fall.

Why do I sew?

I'm sewing. Sewing about 20 costumes for Pride and Prejudice. So far I've finished Mr. Darcy, Lady Catherine deBourgh, and a "ball guest-male". I'm working on Elizabeth Bennett's costume (i.e. mine) and I sewed the sleeves on backwards. I tried to avoid it, because I know I ALWAYS do it at least once, I tried really hard. I marked everything, I looked really hard. I thought I had done it right, so I serged the edges to make them nice and clean. Then I put it back up on my dressform and lo and behold the STUPID SLEEVES ARE ON BACKWARD!!! I tried, and tried, and tried...and I still did it. It looks like Lizzy is sticking her arms back and her chest out. Stupid fabric....stupid pattern...stupid stupid me.

When I saw the calamity that is Lizzy's costume I just sat down. I think I'm done for the day.

When your brain pukes.

I must really really love staying up late. Here I am at 2 am, and I'm wide awake. *sigh* I'm even drinking Sleepytime Tea. It's not doing it's dang job. So I'm going to blog about things running through my mind. Scary. This blog is not for the faint of heart.

I'm hungry. I need something to eat. Ok. Just got up to make toast. I'm even eating the heel. mmmmm toast.

We had our second rehearsal tonight. It was the first one that Pete was there. He plays Mr. Darcy to my Lizzy. I've known this person for about 10 years, probably more. Pete is just now 21-ish. This poor 29 year old body is playing Elizabeth Bennett next to a 21 year old. I really feel old. Plus I feel bad for Peter. There are a couple kisses in the script between him and I. He has to kiss an old lady who, for most of his life, has been a teacher rather than an actor-along-side-you-in-a-play. How does one break the ice in a situation like that? Also, how do I not be extremely self-conscious about the grey hairs that poke through once in awhile?

On a more positive note, I think this play will be a fun one to do. (This next part is going to sound really egotistical, but I don't mean it that way) I have never been challenged in my acting since EORT's inception. I have a degree in this stuff and I know a lot. I've always had to tone down my acting in order not to bowl over the person playing opposite me. I don't want to steal the spotlight, and I can really easy with "local talent" so to speak. Peter, is getting his degree in theatre. He has a few productions under his belt, and he was really naturally talented all his growing up. It'll be nice to see if he can push me, and I can push back. I think I might have an opposite that can hold his own against the tempest.

Costume design...*sigh* I'm going fabric shopping tomorrow. Fabric shopping eve always makes me nervous. I'm never organized enough for my taste, and since we're leaving at 8am tomorrow morning, it doesn't give me a whole lot of time to think about what I'm missing. It'll be a miracle if the costume bible makes it out of the house with me. And hopefully my escapade into Joann's won't be 5 hours like last time.

My bread tastes like it's sourdough, but it's wheat. My taste buds are screwy at 2:30am.

I need to get the checkbook from the office before I go anywhere. If I arrive in Ontario without it, I'm just one big dummy.

A bottle of white...a bottle of red..Perhaps a bottle of Rosea instead. (however you spell it) I'll meet you anytime you want...in our Italian resturant.

I think I'm putting to much pressure on myself to make Pride and Prejudice into something amazing. I want people to walk away from the show falling in love with Lizzy and Darcy all over again (or for the first time). I want the scenes to crackle with the pent up emotion and tension. I want electricity. If I put pressure on myself, things will fall flat. I need to allow myself to know that my costumes will be great, and I need to allow time for Lizzy to come out of the shadow somewhere inside me. She's in there, and I always find my characters. I need to allow Lizzy to be who she is, not who I want her to be. She's Elizabeth Bennett for goodness sakes, she'll emerge on her own.

I've recently fallen in love with scarves. Silk ones, that you tie around your head to hold your hair back. My hair is just long enough that the front part falls in my face constantly. I add a scarf that matches the outfit and Voila, insta hairdo. Although it does make me look like I have an "artistic" temperament, which shouldn't be a problem since I DO have an artistic temperament. It makes me look like I should be slapping paint up against the wall during my expressionistic phase. (For those of you who weren't "priviledged" enough to have to go through an art history class in college, impressionists were artists that painted pastel flowers, and expressionists were people who painted with bold strokes and colors i.e. The Scream) Anyway, it looks like I need to be splattered in paint, throwing temper tantrums because no one appreciates my art. Which, the ironic things is, no one actually does. Hmmmm...maybe there's more to this than I thought.

I can't seem to find a note to end this thing on. I'm kind of nervous heading back upstairs to bed because I'm not sure if I'm sleepy enough to go to sleep yet. I might be. First though, I need to head back to where I keep my patterns and see if I have a pattern that I really don't want to buy. I think I do actually. That would be a great happiness if I did. Then I'll go to bed. After I check my sewing room for another pattern for vests. THEN I'll go to bed. :) I'll get to bed eventually.

The War.

I'm waging a war on my home. And it's not against flesh and blood but against this present darkness of my sewing rooms. To paraphrase the bible.

I am about ready to begin my next costume design, and my sewing and storage rooms are a mess. There is no way I could squish any more fabric into the piles I already have. So purging is necessary. Major purging. I told a few people to have the police on speed dial just in case I don't make it out alive. The dust and the cloth could eat me alive. It's taken on a life of it's own and started breeding. I have fabric I never knew I had. Breeding I tell ya, it's all breeding.

I'm avoiding doing it actually. I've found anything and everything to do instead, that's why I'm blogging. I know how much work it's going to be, and how gross I'm going to be afterward. But it needs to be done. Desperately. This week. Before the madness really begins. I'm going to have a couple shop assistants and they'll be shocked and dismayed if I don't have room enough for them to sew.

Alright people, pray for me. Give me a call later this evening. If I don't answer my phone, call the police. I'm dead.

To Suzanne.

Sometimes an encouraging word is one of the greatest gifts one person can give to another. In fact I believe that most of us need more encouragment than we get. That's not to say a "kick in the butt" encouragement that people are so fond of giving, but a real honest "I believe you are a good person of honor" kind of encouragement.

That being said. I really appreciate my mother-in-law for her encouraging words to me. I also really appreciate Jeff Boyd's encouraging words to my husband about a month ago. You have no idea how they help build up a spirit that has been drug through the dirt to many times in the past few months. Thank you so much. What a blessing you have been in our lives.

I love you Suzanne.

Musings of a Bitter Woman at 4am.

So here it is, almost 4 in the morning, and I'm awake, out of bed, and freezing my bum off because I'm sitting at the kitchen table. I want to be in my nice warm bed with my husband and dog, but I'm not. My eyes just popped open at 3 and I couldn't get back to sleep. I tried to pray (because I figure that's what you do when your eyes pop open unexpectedly) but my prayers ended up in a bitter diatribe about how you can't be young and live in Baker and expect to make any money to speak of. And what on earth does God want us to do? Because I'm willing to move if that's what we need to do, we just need to be pointed in the right direction. Any direction at this point would be a welcome insight into our lives. So, I got up. I figured God has probably heard it a thousand times already anyway.

We watched "PS I Love You" last night. I have to say that if I were in any kind of sentimental mood I would have wept through the entire movie, happy or sad parts (I am my mothers daughter after all). I liked it. I'm not sure if I'd own it, mainly because I don't like movies that make me cry. It's a happy movie, but there are parts of it that are pretty tear jerking, especially if you have a husband and can comiserate. But overall (ARLY) it's a happy movie and you should see it. Trust me, it doesn't end sad.

Funny story, I asked Rob to mow the grass on Friday after he got home from work. To which he said "I'm really tired right now, I'll do it tomorrow (Saturday) after I get home at 4" I said "Ooooookay, you could do it now and get it over with". Needless to say, his viewpoint won the day and I waited until Saturday morning to bring it up again. I said "You know, if you wait until this evening I bet ya that even though it's not on the forecast for today, it'll rain. You won't mow the grass, and you'll be in DEEP trouble". To which he said "I know. I'm still going to wait until this afternoon to do it". Fine. Have it your way. So....going along the day very nicely. Looking at the amazon rainforest that has become our backyard. Doing some preliminary sketches for Pride and Prejudice this summer and lo and behold...it begins raining. And not just light drip drip drop raining, a torrential downpour of the wettest/coldest kind ensues. Hail, thunder, lightening. The heavens open up and there begins one of the heaviest rainstorms of the season so far. Rob got on MSN and basically said "I'm in trouble". Big time buddy...big time.

Ok, I'm done rambling for now. My feet are really cold and I need to warm them up under a blanket. I'm going to try reading and see if that doesn't help. Maybe munch on some toast. Hopefully I get back to sleep or I'm going to be one wonderful person come daylight.

The grass...it chokes the soul.

It's been raining here all week. My poor backyard looks like a jungle. It needed to be mowed on Saturday, but we were all to busy. So I thought, hey I'll do it Monday, or Tuesday. A noble thought, to be sure. But it's been raining ever since Monday afternoon. I love the rain, I'm not complaining one bit, but it does make mowing the lawn hard.

I had big plans for this week. A week off, with nothing to do. I could catch up with laundry and dishes, I could make banana bread. I could do a lot of things. But gosh darn it. I get online first thing in the morning, and I start talking to Arly, and next thing I know it's 1 in the afternoon. Although, truth be told, I have done some laundry and my dishes, but I can't seem to find the energy to do that banana bread. Maybe tomorrow afternoon. I have meetings in the morning, that should get me started. At least I won't get caught on MSN all day. It's not that I don't like talking to you Arly, but gosh darn it, I've been a lazy bum this week.

Oh bugger, the world is calling again.

Well it's back to the old grindstone again. The three day weekend is over, and I can't avoid the work I've been meaning to do for a week anymore. The lawn needs mowed, the house needs cleaned, the theatre stuff needs to be done, and the dentist office can once again call me if they're in need of the "fill in girl". Sad, sad day. I love being able to hide from the world. I love going somewhere and having no one know where I am. Needless to say, I'm very bitter toward my cell phone.

I can't hardly avoid the work that is calling me anymore. I suppose I could fake sick and watch movies all day, but in the end that would just make me feel worse. I do have to say I'm extremely tired after this last weekend of feeding 40 people. Maybe that will do for an excuse to take it easy today. I have started the laundry, so at least I'm doing something. I might do that. It sounds reasonable.

The locusts are coming!!

Ok guys. We're home now, and I'll be back to posting normal blogs. :) No more pictures of Rob with Spiderman, sad to say. Just to let you know, I've been catching my body back up to Pacific Time, so I've been keeping odd hours. I hate jet lag. Although waking up at 6 is kind of handy. You get a lot done. Not that it's worth doing it all the time, mind you, but as it is...I might as well take advantage of it while I'm doing it.

The Southwest kids are coming this weekend. Gearing up for some good Baker City cooking with my mom. I started helping her cook for 40 kids when I was a teenager because I didn't want to help do "work projects" outside. I hate to sweat in the sun. So as a convienent excuse I helped in the kitchen. Now I actually enjoy it. :) Although feeding 40 people with the average age of 16 always reminds me of the plague of locusts in Egypt. To quote a sage piece of writing "They come, they eat, they leave."

Universal Studios

Oddly enough we didn't take any pictures today. Maybe it was from tiredness, or maybe it was because the camera was tucked away in Rob's new Spiderman track bag (joy of joys), or maybe it was because this park was so lackluster compared to everything else that it just wasn't worth taking the camera out. Or maybe it was because I had a headache.

We had fun at this park, but really in all honesty, compared to the others, this one was kind of outshone. We rode the Simpson's ride (that actually was fun), and we rode Jaws (which Rob was terrified of since he's been scared of Jaws since he was 8 years old.) There were a lot more shows at this park, most of which we missed...on purpose.

We were going to try to go back to the Magic Kingdom tonight to see the fireworks show, but the more we talked about it, the more we just wanted to go back and relax tonight. I would have gone gladly, but we didn't have enough time to do what I wanted to do (ride Pirates of the Caribbean) and still see the fireworks. Plus it takes about 45 minutes to get INTO the park from the parking lot so we would have had time to get there, see the fireworks from the gate, and leave. Not worth it.

Tomorrow it's the flight home. I'm looking forward to getting back to non-humidity (it's wrecking my skin), but I'm not quite ready to leave yet. It's been a fun week.

Universal Studios: Island of Adventure

Our first day at Universal Studios. In Florida it's split into two parks. The first one is regular Universal Studios. The second is Universal Studios:Island of Adventure. We went to this one first, because it had "Marvel Land". *ahem* Are you ready to see a big dork!!?? Yes you are.

Rob, with Captain America, and Wolverine.

Rob, with Spiderman. Doing a Spiderman pose. He wasn't the first, NOR the last grown man to have his picture taken with these superheros. I have a lot more of Rob and various superheros, but to much dorkiness might bring down the intelligence level of this blog so I posted these two.

We did this park in a half day. It was nice to be able to ride all the rides, and see what we wanted to see, and still be back at the apartment by 4. Universal Studios is like Disney, only with less effort put into everything. It was like they were trying to make the most money with the least amount of effort. (Does this suprise anyone? I thought not) We rode Jurassic Park, and skipped the Dudley Do-Right Rip Saw Falls, mainly because I didn't want to be soaked like the day before.

That evening we got tickets to Cirque Du Soleil's show called "La Nouba". If you ever have a chance to go to a Cirque Du Soleil show, GO. I know the tickets are expensive, but they're sooooooooo worth it. The show was amazing. It was fun for me to be an audience member for once, with nothing to do but be entertained.

I'm trying to catch up now.

I can't remember if I've posted this picture before or not. Days are starting to run together now. I like this picture. It makes me smile.

If you ever get the chance to go to Disney's Animal Kingdom, and you get the chance to ride Kali River Rapids, and if you DON'T want to end up like this, skip the ride. Although I have to say I was the wettest in our group. *sigh* It always happens to me.

Here we are at the entrance to Disney's Animal Kingdom. This park was nice. There was lots of shade.

Sorry guys, I'm trying to catch up now. I know Rob's been able to post, but everytime I get online to blog the internet stops working. It's been a pain, mainly because I can't remember everything now. :) The Animal Kingdom was Day...Four-ish. We went to Epcot on Day Three and I have pictures of that, and I didn't really want to post them.

Can you tell from the brevity of this blog that I'm tired. :)

Day Three

Day Three we spent at the Epcot Center. It was fun. I probably enjoyed this park more than the other two. It had more to look at, and more of "my kind" of stuff. They had a tea shop. :)

Anyway, to start out the day (Mother's Day) we went to church, and got out of that at 11:30-ish. Then we came back to the apartment, ate lunch, and headed to Disney. So technically we only spent an afternoon there. I rode the Planet Tomorrow ride inside the big ball, and then I rode the Mission:Space ride that made me sick to my stomach for the rest of the day. I seriously couldn't ride another ride without almost puking. Honey I Shrunk the Audience even made me sick after that. It was so pathetic. Anyway, this park closed at 9pm, so we were out of there and back to the apartment early. Nice. Tomorrow, Animal Kingdom. :)

See Wendy, I can put pineapple plants on my blog too. Woo hoo. :) These are pineapple plants at Epcot. They were cool.

Joy of Tea. Yes. Tea is joyful. I had a cup in my hand when we took this picture. It was awesome.

Day Two

Cinderella's castle is behind us. Suzanne took the picture and didn't get the whole castle. I think we're going to retake this picture if we get a chance.
For you Arly. I laughed really hard. I also got a picture of the Dumbo ride too, but we didn't ride it. I couldn't ride it without you. :)
This is Rob and I right before we got on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride! I love that ride, a lot.

Day Two was spent in the Magic Kingdom (i.e Disneyland for you west coasters). I have to say that we shouldn't have done the Magic Kingdom on a Saturday. It was so packed. It was nothing like the day before when kids were still in school. We should have done it Monday, when all the whiners and criers were back in school and we could have some peace.

We dodged and evaded people all day long. I'm also sore. This does NOT mean that I didn't have fun. I really did. But I'm so tired right now I barely know what I'm writing. Blah. I'm feeling muscles I didn't know I had. So, because I can't brain today, I have the dumb I'm filling a lot of this blog in with pictures. :)

Day One

This picture is of Rob and I right after we got done with Aerosmith's Rockin' Rollercoaster ride. It was the first rollercoaster that had a loop and a spiral that I have ever ridden on. I was shaking when I got off of it.

Alrighty, day one. We didn't get to head to a Disney park until 2 or so because of some morning things that Robert and Suzanne had to do. So we decided to go to the Disney Hollywood MGM park. This park was mostly about movies and TV and stuff, and there were some pretty neat things, like the Indiana Jones Stunt Spectacular show. But it also had the Aerosmith Rollercoaster which was entirely in the dark, going from 0 to 60 in 2 seconds (no joke), and it also had the Tower of Terror, which is a ride that lifts you up 13 stories and drops you. I rode both. I had so much adrenaline running through me that I could barely walk after we were done. We rode the Aerosmith ride twice. *sigh* Rob owes me...huge.

The final even of the evening was the Fantasmic show at 9pm. It was a really neat water/firework show. I REALLY enjoyed it. We had to get there at 7:30, but we had great seats.

Ok, that was the first day. More to come soon!

The first day in the land of Disney

Ok, just to let you all know I will be blogging regularly while we're on our trip to Orlando Florida. I would tell you about our day so far, but we haven't done anything yet. So it might be this evening or tomorrow morning. :) Just check back regularly and fits of jealously will overtake you. :)

My dad asplode (heh heh)

Ok actually, he really did asplode. Dad had an episode with his defibrillator. 39+ of them actually. Basically what happened was this: The atrium (the part of the heart to the north) was fluttering. (Mom must have been passing by), the Ventricle (the part of the heart to the south, darn rebel) was not fluttering. The defibrillator thought dad was having a heart attack, and shocked him. 39 times. Actually it was more than 39 because he lost count around 30, repeating it a couple times. Just so you all know he's fine, tired, but fine. His heart was irritable after the episodes (so said the doctor. I told him it matched his personality), and his blood was saying he HAD had a heart attack, but no, no heart attack. A fix in his meds and he's right and tight. All is well, dad no longer asplode.

In other, more important, news. Rob and I are heading to sunny Florida for a week to head to Disneyworld with the in-laws (my in-laws, not his). Robert got back from Afghanistan and we're meeting there to enjoy some "welcome home Robert"moments before he goes home to work/everyone else. It'll be fun. Hopefully I'll be able to blog and post pictures everyday. I'm going to try, but being the technology idiot I am, I might not be able to. We'll see.

Alrighty, need to pack. Need to clean my house.

My mom asplode, (Not really)

Ok I'm blogging. Despite the fact that I've been REALLY BUSY, my mother guilted me into blogging. It was one of those comments made to "another person" but directed toward me about how she checks my blog everyday EVEN THOUGH I haven't written in awhile. So here you go. Blogging, thanks to my mothers wonderful ability to guilt me. :)

I ate a lot of onions for lunch. It was in the leftovers I was eating. Now I have a stomach ache, and heart burn. I knew it'd do it to me when I ate it too. Dang I'm getting old.

I weeded my garden this last Saturday. I'm waging war with the crabgrass that has taken over my lawn and moved into my rose beds. And when I say I weeded my garden, I mean weeded half of it before my body shut down in protest. I couldn't move the rest of the day. It was sad.

I've come to the point in one of my stories where God speaks up, and frankly I've been paused there for some time, because writing it makes me nervous. Who am I to write words for God? God, could you write that part of the story for me? Then it'd be a true representation of You. Plus, it'd be easier for me. :) Thanks.

Tax rebates came out today. Rob was in the first group. It was supposed to be direct deposited into our account. But it wasn't. If anyone got their kicker check today let me know. I think the government lies. Shocker.

I offered to cook dinner for our "preacher search committee" for our meeting this week. No one wants to come to my house. Am I THAT bad of a cook? On another note, we all bring a dish to our Thursday night bible study, and one lady gets praised to the skies on her efforts, and mine are mostly ignored. *sigh* I must be delusional about my cooking ability.

My dog smells bad.

I have the day off tomorrow. I'm going to make aprons for "Quilters" then I'll be done with the show. Yay.

Ok mom, I blogged. Love you.

The car asplode.

Rob and I were driving to LaGrande yesterday for eye appointments, and our car stopped working. Not just stopped working, turn the key, start it up again. But STOPPED WORKING. Leaking oil, seized, gone to the halls of it's fathers kind of stopped working. It left us on the side of the freeway, in the only cell phone dead spot in the 45 miles of road between Baker and LaGrande. At this point in our lives, if it isn't one thing it's another. And really, this wouldn't be such a big deal if we had money, but we don't. Nothing extra anyway. And I'm not talking about my sisters version of "no money" because she's just silly, but the ACTUAL version of no money which is very very real. (Love you Ar)

Anyway, be praying for us. God is doing something, but we can't see it just yet.

My head asplode.

My life is insane at the moment. No wonder I'm walking around with a headache most of the time. I'm working about 3/4 time at the dentist office, I'm building costumes for our musical coming up in May, I'm trying to plan financially how we're going to live our lives for the next few months, plus on top of that dad had surgery to put in a defibrillator on Friday (so I was gone all weekend, and dad sitting on my days off now), plus trying to write children's stories. Add to that the normal wifely duties of house work, cooking, and laundry and I have a darn full day. I'm not complaining, but I haven't been able to sit down for two minutes and I was beginning to wonder why. Putting it in a list like that helps. :) Oh, you really are busy at the moment, aren't you?

Dad is doing fine by the way. He was really silly coming out of surgery, but that's all over now, and he's mainly tired. His body is trying to recoup, and if you know a Goodyear, they don't let themselves recoup well. Resting is not something my father does. The doctor said he should be back to "normal" in a week or two, but he's not allowed to lift anything over his head for 6 weeks. That should be fun keeping him away from drywalling the celing at church...*sigh* Fun and easy. *sigh* Sarcasm is meant to be heard, not read.

Anyway, if I don't blog as regularly as I normally do it's because of one of those many reasons listed above. Just keep checking, I'll be around.

American soil

My father-in-law is coming home from Afghanistan today! He's landing in Fayettville, North Carolina around 3 pm our time. He has spent a year and three months overseas with the 82nd Airborne, but has spent longer than that away from his family and his home town.

A lot of sacrifices are made so we can live in a free country. Even if a person doesn't die overseas fighting wars, they still have given their life for their country. To be overseas, fighting a war, away from home, comfort, people you know, things you love. That, to me, is giving your life.

Thank you Robert for your service. I'm honored you'd do it for me. And I'm honored you'd do it for the people who don't appreciate it. I love you.

The Big News! No, I am NOT pregnant.

For the 5 people that read this blog I'm going to say something, and you probably already know, but I'm going to be an AUNT!! I'm so excited. And being the theatre person I am I have access to all kids of bizarre theatre props that aren't available to many other people. My new niece/nephew is totally going to have a sword. We'll start them out small, plastic pirate swords and the like, but we will graduate them to bigger and better things.

Presents from their Aunt Abby and Uncle Rob will be the coolest ever. His/Her parents will hate us because they'll have all kids of crap in their house that's completely useless to anyone, but no matter, the kids will love us for it!

Congratulations Sam and Arly, prepare yourselves. :) Weird presents are coming. Although I can probably guarantee that your kids will have the coolest onesies ever.

My patience is being tested. Lord, I've learned this before I swear! You don't need to teach it to me again.

I have worked really hard today. I've hauled couches, worked on finishing up the set, done costumes, got the programs ready for Thursday, did makeup...to name a few. I've worked really hard on my Middle School theatre to be exact.

Then rehearsal comes. Two girls don't show up because one is sick and the other is missing (everyone says she's "sick" too), another girl tells me at 6:20 that she needs to leave at 6:30 (we hadn't started rehearsal yet at that point), and all my tennis kids were 20 minutes late. And I wonder why I do this. Why do I torture myself with this?

Then I look around at my kids, and I realize, a few are ruining it for the many. Isn't that like life? And then I realize, just because one or two kids are being snots doesn't mean that everyone is. Just one or two. I have 13 or 14 kids in my cast.

I do Middle School theatre for the 11 or 12 kids that I can teach. For the 11 or 12 kids that listen to me, that stay to the end, that learn their lines. I do it for the 4 or 5 tech kids I have that do what I tell them to, that want to learn how to do "backstage" work, that have worked so hard I can't even explain it to people who aren't "in the know". I do it for them.

Oh the CARNAGE!!

Whew! My Middle School theatre performs this week. Thursday to be exact. Thank goodness. It's getting really hard to juggle working full time, after school theatre, and building costumes for EORT's next musical. It'll be good to have it done. It's reached the point that if the play is good, it's my kids's fault, if it's bad, it's their fault as well. There's not much more I can do to help it at this point. Just chaperone the carnage.

Anyway, I've been waking up in the middle of the night thinking about everything I still need to do for the MS play. It'll be good when it's over. Maybe I can sleep through the night.

But then, in my contract, there's a little blip. I have to chaperone a dance. Just what I want to do, chaperone a middle school dance. I remember them when I was in Middle School. Nothing good comes from Middle School dances...except money for my theatre club...*sigh*...Nothing ELSE good comes from Middle School dances.

For the dork, the sentimentalist, and the major weeper.

Ok, for those of you who are in the dark about Michael Buble (pronounced Boo-Blay), I'm going to include some youtube stuff so you can judge for yourself. I've included videos for those of you who are dorks, sentimentalists, and major weepers. Watch your underwear girls.

For the dork (i.e Spiderman fan):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R1AuWZFGng4


For the Sentimentalist:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flfDuYuy6aQ


For the Major Weeper:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7X5cZC5U6dM


Oh gosh, wipe the tears, download his songs, and move on for the day. You'll make it. I promise.

No, I'm not pregnant. My scrubs make me look fat.

I worked WAY to hard this week. I started out my day today at 7am, and by 7:30am I wanted to go home, swearing I'd been at work for 11 hours that day. I'm so tired. I'm almost delirious I'm so tired. I think I'll listen to a little Michael Buble (hee hee).

Anyway, let me tell you about yesterday (Tuesday March 25th, to be accurate). Our Oral Surgeon was in town this week, which means that I work everyday, instead of just Monday's and Wednesdays. I work the Oral Surgery weeks because two out of my dentists four assistants work with the Oral Surgeon. Usually, during Oral Surgery weeks it's two assistants with the OS, and two assistants with the dentist. Well, the other assistant who works with me is on maternity leave, leaving ONLY ME to help the dentist.

Well, the front office girls forgot I was the only assistant this week, and PACKED the schedule full. I was scrambling all morning. Fortunately, the OS only worked a half a day, so there were two of us for the afternoon.

Then the afternoon happened. I won't go into detail here because it's a DANG long story, but let's just say I had one of the worst afternoons of my life involving some expensive office equipment breaking, and some bad attitudes to me from a couple of "others". *sigh* But it doesn't end there.

After work yesterday I happened to be able to go out to dinner with the "men's bible study group" who weren't bible studying that evening, and one of them patted his tummy and asked me if he was missing something. And this isn't the first time I've been asked if I were pregnant while wearing my scrubs. *sigh* I need new scrubs.

I am SO glad this work week is over and I'm at the beginning of a four day weekend. I really need it. Sleeping in tomorrow here I come!

This post is pornographic in nature!! BEWARE READER! BEWAAAAAARE!!!

I've been on a Michael Buble kick here recently. It's bordering on the embarrassing. Sometimes these things happen. In college I couldn't get enough of The Dave Matthews Band. But now I've moved on to a person my age who is a complete dork in real life, but manages to croon out old time Bobby Darin songs in a way that makes you want to take off your underwear and throw it at him. (A practice I never understood very much...until my obsession began.) Sorry for the unfortunate mental image.

And I'll leave it at that. I think if I go on the mental images will just get worse. Listen to some Michael Buble, you'll understand. I swear. Just beware of the underwear thing.

I will Triumph!

I am a children's author. I love to write stories for kids. I have ideas in my head that are bursting to get out sometimes. It's a lot of fun, it allows me to explore my own childhood from an adult perspective. I write about silly things, and I write about serious things. Not everything in childhood is flowers and puppies, ya know.

So anyway, I've had this story idea in my head for almost 5 years now, and I've never been able to put words to it. I came up with a title sitting in the library. It's called "The Day Harry the Bully Kissed a Big Black Beetle". Wonderful title. Never could find a good story to go along with it. Until today.

I FOUND MY STORY!!! It's actually turned into a first person chapter book. It's really coming nice. I've written the first two chapters. And it's about how this one kid deals with the bully in his life, and how he learns to love who he is, no matter where in the world he is. It's really going to be wonderful, if the story in my head flows on paper as easily.

Also, HAPPY EASTER!!! I hope everyone has a wonderful day celebrating the day Jesus Christ saved us from our sins. What a wonderful reason to celebrate. Love you all!!

The Internet radio gods hate me.

Pandora upsets me. This is an internet radio station that you can choose which artists you want, and you can choose the genre you want on your stations. For instance, I have a station, and the feed name (THE ONE AND ONLY FEED NAME I GAVE) was Michael Buble. I love Michael Buble. All I wanted to hear were old jazzy Bobby Darin songs and the like. And I heard that for awhile, then it all went to crap. My Michael Buble radio station started playing Britany Spears. WHAT about Michael Buble old timey jazz suggests BRITANY SPEARS!!!!???? And it wasn't one episode. I went through song after song of crappy pop.

Also, I have a radio station based after ONE song. The song is Breath of Heaven by Sara Groves. Now, I understand this is a Christmas song, but it's really good, and her version is the BEST I've ever heard. However Pandora, in all it's stupidness, REFUSES to play THAT song, and instead plays all the other versions of that song by Amy Grant or Point of Grace (puke) that it can get it's little digital fingers on. Did you know Jessica Simpson did a version of that song? No? I do. Pandora has played it.

In other news, the person I'm in contact with who is doing a movie with Matt Damon, actually hangs out with MATT DAMON when they're not filming their movie. Why me?

Major complaint session, skip it if you can't take a downer today

Nothing says you fail at life than having someone you knew in high school living your dream, or at least a semblance of your dream, and getting paid for it.

I have worked very hard since the 6th grade to prepare myself to do theatre. I love theatre. My creative side expresses itself best when I can get inside a characters head. I majored in theatre, I've co-founded a theatre in Baker. Name the show, I've been in it, or costumed it, or directed it, or whatever.

And yet, there's this person, who I'm in contact with through myspace, advising and acting in a movie in HOLLYWOOD with Matt Damon all because of his involvement in something classified during his stint in Iraq. This person never had any interest in acting or anything in high school or since then, why is it, all of the sudden they're more successful than I am in something I've loved to do since I was 11?

I keep talking to this person, because frankly it's kind of a cool story, but every time they start talking about their life I'm reminded that I live in Baker City Oregon, I work way to hard running a theatre company and I'm never recognized as one of it's leaders (that credit goes to my business partner) NOR am I paid for anything I do. I work way to hard teaching Middle Schoolers theatre and get paid very little (less actually than Rob, who coaches football, and I've been doing it longer). I have a job at a dentist office and I get MAYBE a weeks worth of work per month. I'm running constantly, working my butt off, and I have nothing to show for it. I'm almost 30, and I have nothing to show for my work and passion but a struggling theatre company no one knows I run.

Touchstone got a little tipsy this evening

Yep, you read that right. My dog got tipsy this evening. Not on purpose. And I swear I didn't know it was going to do it to him. *sigh* I'm a bad dog parent.

Rob made Beef Stew tonight, and one of the ingredients was 2 cups of dark beer. I thought that it cooked out, and I guess for humans it had, but not for Stone. He was smiling like a fool, and a little wobbly after we gave him some left over stew juice. My poor doggie will probably have a hangover in the morning.

In other news, I think my Middle Schoolers hate me. For some reason, doing what I ask them to do is out of the question anymore. And if we go past 4:30 and we're still rehearsing it's a major crisis. And parents start calling, and things get stressed. It's 4:40 by the time we're out, and you'd think we had been there for 8 hours. I'm not sure what to do with them. They've stopped having fun, or concentrating, or...being normal humans.

Also, I still have a cold. That's why this is being written at 3 in the morning. My Theraflu wore off, and my eyes popped open. Rob is sleeping. I'm jealous. I wish I could get an entire nights sleep. I can't remember the last time I did that, without waking up once, even if it's for a few minutes. Maybe my not sleeping, and my Middle School issues are related somehow. Hmmmmm...

The joys of living around children.

I've caught a cold. It really stinks. I can't breath, my eyes are watery, and I'm sneezing waaaaaay to much. Rob says they're allergies, but I'm not sure what I could be allergic to with snow still on the ground.

Then I get a phone call this morning.

Melissa and I were talking yesterday and Chloe has a fever and a rash. Well, she got freaked out yesterday evening and took her to the hospital. Come to find out the child has mono, and Melissa was calling to tell me because anyone who's been in contact with her could have it too. It has an "up to 6 week" incubation period, so we have awhile. Then she tells me that mono presents itself with flu-like symptoms. Great. Here I am sniffling and sneezing on the phone, and she's telling me this. I made it through 30 years of life to get mono from a 4 year old.

Oh please, oh please, oh please don't let it be mono. I have to work on Monday. I can't take 4 weeks out of my life to recover from this. Please please please let it be allergies.

The need for a dummy.

So, today is Thursday. And usually it's the start of my glorious four day weekend, but today I had to work for Jo, who works for the other dentist in the office.

Now, our different rooms face the Powder River and the Leo Adler walkway. Our rooms down at my doctors end face a bridge with the river running under it (very picturesque), and the other doctors rooms face more of the "white water rapid" part.

So today it was snowing, big ol' flakes, and raining some. It was typical Spring weather in Baker City.

Anyway moving on, there was a lady walking up the path who had her coat and gloves and "winter wear" on. And she had this Lab dog. This dog was so cute, and he didn't seem to mind the weather at all because the lady chucked a tennis ball into the river and this dog jumped into the freezing water with reckless abandon, snatching his ball back from the watery depths. The lady and the dog did this three or four times, until the dog lost track of his ball and the river swept it away. Then they moved on.

Anyway, it was fun to watch. Although it really really made me miss Talullah, because this dog reminded me so much of her. I missed having a dummy for a dog so much I looked in the adoption section of our paper to see if there were any dogs that would fit that description. Let's just say I found a few. *sigh* I have to remind myself. "Stoney does a lot better if he's the only dog in the house. Stoney does a lot better if he's the only dog in the house."

I feel I know

I feel left out. I feel sad. I feel tired. I feel pathetic. I feel fat. I feel poor. I feel ungrateful. I feel unappreciated. I feel insignificant. I feel unwanted. I feel frustrated. I feel uninterested. I feel negative. I feel stupid.

I know the hand of God. I know compassion. I know sympathy. I know I'm wrapped up. I know I'm blessed. I know I'm loved. I know peace. I know I'm clean. I know I'm able. I know I'm talented. I know I'm warm. I know my worth. I know I'm funny. I know I'm learned.

I feel. But I know. And I perservere.

Things NOT to do while wearing Capris

Ok, it's March 8th, and I realize it's a little early in the year for summer wear in Oregon. But I got up today, and it literally was 40 degrees at 9 am. So, knowing that it would get hotter as the day wore on, I decided to wear Capris. I love Capris, they're like shorts, with the added benefit that you don't feel quite so bad about your thighs while wearing them.

So wearing Capris I came downstairs after getting ready for the day and realized I could get out into my flower beds and prepare them for the onslaught of Spring that's around the corner. So, trotting outside to wage war on my flower beds I learned about "things NOT to do while wearing Capris". Thus starts my list *ahem*:

Trim your rose bushes
Chase your dog in the snow
Kneel in the dirt
Deal with a nasty trash can that leaks
Get into some sort of plant that gives you rashes if touched with bare skin

Now, some of you that live in the warmer parts of the world will say "Well duh Abby, wear pants for goodness sakes" but I say, after you've been stuck in the house since October with nothing but snow snow snow and sub-zero temperatures, 40 degrees and small Narcissa plants sticking out of the weeds do have a numbing effect on the common sense. So don't judge this poor Eskimo to harshly.

Things to make your weekend happy

Ok, so with Rob gone to Portland for a football conference this weekend I thought I'd share a few pictures that make me happy (i.e. swoony). Granted, these pictures aren't of my MIA huband, but...well...he won't care. :) RIGHT ROB!!!

Ok, this is Alan Rickman as Colonel Brandon in Jane Austen's "Sense and Sensibility". This is the very moment he sees Marianne and falls madly in love with her. (Who he will get ignored by, and then later marry. It's all very romantic I promise)


Ah, Mr. Darcy. This is the point of the movie (Pride and Prejudice) where Elizabeth Bennett (the love of his life) has just helped his sister out of a hurtful situation. This is the look he gives her when he shows the world exactly what he thinks of her. I love this part in the movie.

Ok, this picture just makes me laugh. This is the part of Pride and Prejudice when he is suprised by Elizabeth Bennett on his estate after she's refused to marry him. And he's kind, and loving toward her. And he escorts her to her carriage, and then watches her ride away. *sigh*


Ok. Expect a few more posts this weekend. Because all I have to do is clean house while Rob's gone. So, if I need a break I'll probably get on this thing and post how miserable I am without Rob here. :) Maybe I'll just look at these pictures. Or have a Jane Austen movie fest....I'll do that. That'll be fun.

The few joys of life, and the irritating bits as well.

Here comes the sun, do do do do. And I say, it's all right. la la la, la la la, la la la, la la la la. I have that song in my head. I like that song.

I had a great Middle School rehearsal today. For those of you who don't know. I am the advisor/director for Baker Middle School. Our season lasts from February to the beginning of April and it's high energy kind of fun. It keeps me on my toes. Middle Schoolers are an interesting group of people. Anyway, I had a great rehearsal. The kids were responsive, and less squirrely than they usually are. Every year it's a chore, up to performance day, to get them to speak up and not talk so fast. (A typical problem with any newbie actor) Today, I started directing them on how to slow down and speak up. At first they took it like they were doing something wrong. I had to reassure them that yes, I did love and adore them all, and no, I was not getting after them like they were in trouble. A director, by the nature of things, tells you what to do. :) I was kind about it of course. There's nothing worse than a Middle Schooler who's ego has been busted to pieces. They're fragile enough as it is. Anyway, once they got a handle on the fact that I still thought they were wonderful, and I wasn't yelling at them. They stepped up and had one of the best rehearsals we've had since the middle of February. I was pleased. They were pleased. We left it at that.

On a weirder note, Eastern Oregon Regional Theatre's costume department (i.e. me) was accosted today by someone who thought we were stealing their round clothing rack. We're moving out of Ma Bells on first street and into a new office. Last Saturday, we moved all the costumes and props downstairs to our new storage spot, and that included the round rack we bought for 5 bucks when The Emporium went out of business. Well today, a lady (who will remain nameless) thought that we took HER round rack out of the basement, and that HER round rack was there before WE moved in. We all explained to this lady that me, Rob, and dad had purchased this rack a long time ago, but she wouldn't hear of it. She even got the owner of the building involved. And now there's an uproar. Not really and uproar, but just one more thing I have to deal with that is unpleasant. I called the owner, explained the situation, and am waiting to hear back. *sigh* Life is...irritating at times. All I have to say is YAY for Middle School theatre. I never thought I'd say that. :)

Holy Schmoley

Ah, glorious Wednesday evening. Thus dies the end of my workweek, thusly...die die die!!! (Highly Shakespearian acting inserted here)

For those of you who still have two more days to go until your weekend, let me gloat now. *ahem* GLOAT GLOAT GLOAT!!! I'm going to read, and watch Jane Austen movies, and drink tea ALL DAY TOMORROW!!! Why? Because IT'S MY FRIDAY TODAY!!! Hello, magnificent FOUR day weekend!! Just know, that I'll be thinking of each and every one of you while I'm relaxing and doing what I want...hee hee.

On a kinder and less gloating note. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY WONDERFUL MAMA-IN-LAW!!! I know you'll probably read this tomorrow, which is not your birthday, but I penned this missive on your actual birthday. So Happy Birthday! I hope you had a wonderful day.

Kicking and Screaming into the 21st Century

Oh dear goodness. Here I am. Hello 21st century.

I've decided to start a blog (obviously) because I think it might work out as a good stress reliever for me. Although, blogging is conducted on a computer, and I have the Goodyear curse (i.e. blue screen of death....a lot), so whether this REMAINS a stress reliever to me is yet to be seen.