Character dissection (Really boring for non-actors)

My shoulder has been killing me today. I don't know if it's because I slept on it wrong last night, or the repetitive movement of sewing over the last couple of weeks has had anything to do with it, but today it's killing me. I hope it goes away. I can barely move.

I'm up again. It's almost 11 and I'm wide awake. Poor Rob wanted to go to sleep at 6 this evening, but managed to stay awake until 9. I, on the other hand, am desperately drinking Sleepytime Tea, hoping it'll help me relax...and help take the shoulder pain away. So, because I'm awake. And because I'm working on Pride and Prejudice at the moment, this blog is going to be the random thoughts that occur to me to help me make a character. Discontinue reading if you wish. This really will be of no help to anyone but myself.

I wrote a few things to think about on my script tonight as I was going over my lines. The first one is "Where is the arc to Liz and Darcy?" And really...right now...Peter and I need to find that together.

Does Lizzy have Quiet Rage or Passionate Anger? This, I believe will be the question that dictates how Lizzy emerges. How does she react when presented with the first proposal of Darcy's? Does she get loud, or does she get quiet and pointed. The latter I believe. She's not someone who yells, but you know exactly where you stand when she's done dissecting your many character flaws. I believe she reacts with quiet rage at Darcy's horriffic proposal. She believes herself to be in the right about Jane, and about Wickham. Darcy is insulting in his proposal anyway. She lets it all fly at him. But in the book it says that after he leaves she cries for a half hour. No one cries that much unless a lot of pent up emotion is involved. If she let Darcy have it full voiced...crying wouldn't occur AFTER he leaves, it would occur during the interview. Control...control and composure while growing more angry. That should be fun to explore.

The next question I have is when does Lizzy herself begin to love Darcy? Darcy we all know "loves" Lizzy from almost the outset. I have a few theories. I'm writing them down to see which one comes across as more plausable.
1) Lizzy loves him after the letter he writes in his defense.
She knows that Darcy is innocent of any injustice done to Wickham, and in fact is the victim of Wickham wanting to "get at him" through Georgiana. She knows her accusations have been totally unjustified. Even the accusations about Bingley/Jane. Her family IS embarassing. Darcy didn't say anything she didn't already know.

2)When they meet at Pemberley with the Gardiners.
He is gentle and amiable towards the three of them when he finds them unexpectedly on his grounds. He has made so material a change, and Lizzy knowing what she knows of him after the letter, is more apt to give him the benefit of the doubt. But does she love him? She jokes that she was in love with him after seeing "his beautiful grounds at Pemberley" but this is just a joke. Or does Lizzy say anything that doesn't have some hint of truth to it?

3)Does she love him when she confesses that Lydia has run off with Wickham?
This is the confession of confessions right here. In the book it says that she could have "honestly felt she could have loved him as now, when all love must be in vain" When she thinks that she is diminishing in his estimation because of Lydia's behavior. She opens herself up to redicule here. If Darcy wanted to he could scorn her, and she still lay's bare all her most intimate concerns. She's finally defensless, and helpless around him.

4) She loves him throughout the entire book/play?
I'm wondering about this one. Some parts of me say "Absolutely not!" because of her complete contempt toward him regarding Wickham and Jane. And I'm not sure the reasoning I have to say "well maybe she is...". It's just a small voice somewhere inside me that says it's so. I know she's certainly attracted to Darcy from the outset. I think she tries to tease herself out of it because she's so prejudiced toward Darcy after he refuses to dance with her at the first assembly, and because of Wickhams stories. Plus the fact that her feelings are hurt because of the Jane/Bingley episode. But does she love him? That's a pretty strong word when it comes down to it. Maybe it's an attraction that goes from attraction, to contempt/disgust of him, to love. But never losing the attraction that made her want to argue with him in the first place.

This is all for the moment. There will be more in time that I may, or may not blog about. I just figured since I was awake this late, and I was thinking about all this stuff that I might as well put it down "on paper" so to speak.

Everyone have a great day in church tomorrow!! Enjoy your summer weather, it's going to be a hot one for us for sure! I can't wait for the Fall.

Why do I sew?

I'm sewing. Sewing about 20 costumes for Pride and Prejudice. So far I've finished Mr. Darcy, Lady Catherine deBourgh, and a "ball guest-male". I'm working on Elizabeth Bennett's costume (i.e. mine) and I sewed the sleeves on backwards. I tried to avoid it, because I know I ALWAYS do it at least once, I tried really hard. I marked everything, I looked really hard. I thought I had done it right, so I serged the edges to make them nice and clean. Then I put it back up on my dressform and lo and behold the STUPID SLEEVES ARE ON BACKWARD!!! I tried, and tried, and tried...and I still did it. It looks like Lizzy is sticking her arms back and her chest out. Stupid fabric....stupid pattern...stupid stupid me.

When I saw the calamity that is Lizzy's costume I just sat down. I think I'm done for the day.

When your brain pukes.

I must really really love staying up late. Here I am at 2 am, and I'm wide awake. *sigh* I'm even drinking Sleepytime Tea. It's not doing it's dang job. So I'm going to blog about things running through my mind. Scary. This blog is not for the faint of heart.

I'm hungry. I need something to eat. Ok. Just got up to make toast. I'm even eating the heel. mmmmm toast.

We had our second rehearsal tonight. It was the first one that Pete was there. He plays Mr. Darcy to my Lizzy. I've known this person for about 10 years, probably more. Pete is just now 21-ish. This poor 29 year old body is playing Elizabeth Bennett next to a 21 year old. I really feel old. Plus I feel bad for Peter. There are a couple kisses in the script between him and I. He has to kiss an old lady who, for most of his life, has been a teacher rather than an actor-along-side-you-in-a-play. How does one break the ice in a situation like that? Also, how do I not be extremely self-conscious about the grey hairs that poke through once in awhile?

On a more positive note, I think this play will be a fun one to do. (This next part is going to sound really egotistical, but I don't mean it that way) I have never been challenged in my acting since EORT's inception. I have a degree in this stuff and I know a lot. I've always had to tone down my acting in order not to bowl over the person playing opposite me. I don't want to steal the spotlight, and I can really easy with "local talent" so to speak. Peter, is getting his degree in theatre. He has a few productions under his belt, and he was really naturally talented all his growing up. It'll be nice to see if he can push me, and I can push back. I think I might have an opposite that can hold his own against the tempest.

Costume design...*sigh* I'm going fabric shopping tomorrow. Fabric shopping eve always makes me nervous. I'm never organized enough for my taste, and since we're leaving at 8am tomorrow morning, it doesn't give me a whole lot of time to think about what I'm missing. It'll be a miracle if the costume bible makes it out of the house with me. And hopefully my escapade into Joann's won't be 5 hours like last time.

My bread tastes like it's sourdough, but it's wheat. My taste buds are screwy at 2:30am.

I need to get the checkbook from the office before I go anywhere. If I arrive in Ontario without it, I'm just one big dummy.

A bottle of white...a bottle of red..Perhaps a bottle of Rosea instead. (however you spell it) I'll meet you anytime you want...in our Italian resturant.

I think I'm putting to much pressure on myself to make Pride and Prejudice into something amazing. I want people to walk away from the show falling in love with Lizzy and Darcy all over again (or for the first time). I want the scenes to crackle with the pent up emotion and tension. I want electricity. If I put pressure on myself, things will fall flat. I need to allow myself to know that my costumes will be great, and I need to allow time for Lizzy to come out of the shadow somewhere inside me. She's in there, and I always find my characters. I need to allow Lizzy to be who she is, not who I want her to be. She's Elizabeth Bennett for goodness sakes, she'll emerge on her own.

I've recently fallen in love with scarves. Silk ones, that you tie around your head to hold your hair back. My hair is just long enough that the front part falls in my face constantly. I add a scarf that matches the outfit and Voila, insta hairdo. Although it does make me look like I have an "artistic" temperament, which shouldn't be a problem since I DO have an artistic temperament. It makes me look like I should be slapping paint up against the wall during my expressionistic phase. (For those of you who weren't "priviledged" enough to have to go through an art history class in college, impressionists were artists that painted pastel flowers, and expressionists were people who painted with bold strokes and colors i.e. The Scream) Anyway, it looks like I need to be splattered in paint, throwing temper tantrums because no one appreciates my art. Which, the ironic things is, no one actually does. Hmmmm...maybe there's more to this than I thought.

I can't seem to find a note to end this thing on. I'm kind of nervous heading back upstairs to bed because I'm not sure if I'm sleepy enough to go to sleep yet. I might be. First though, I need to head back to where I keep my patterns and see if I have a pattern that I really don't want to buy. I think I do actually. That would be a great happiness if I did. Then I'll go to bed. After I check my sewing room for another pattern for vests. THEN I'll go to bed. :) I'll get to bed eventually.

The War.

I'm waging a war on my home. And it's not against flesh and blood but against this present darkness of my sewing rooms. To paraphrase the bible.

I am about ready to begin my next costume design, and my sewing and storage rooms are a mess. There is no way I could squish any more fabric into the piles I already have. So purging is necessary. Major purging. I told a few people to have the police on speed dial just in case I don't make it out alive. The dust and the cloth could eat me alive. It's taken on a life of it's own and started breeding. I have fabric I never knew I had. Breeding I tell ya, it's all breeding.

I'm avoiding doing it actually. I've found anything and everything to do instead, that's why I'm blogging. I know how much work it's going to be, and how gross I'm going to be afterward. But it needs to be done. Desperately. This week. Before the madness really begins. I'm going to have a couple shop assistants and they'll be shocked and dismayed if I don't have room enough for them to sew.

Alright people, pray for me. Give me a call later this evening. If I don't answer my phone, call the police. I'm dead.

To Suzanne.

Sometimes an encouraging word is one of the greatest gifts one person can give to another. In fact I believe that most of us need more encouragment than we get. That's not to say a "kick in the butt" encouragement that people are so fond of giving, but a real honest "I believe you are a good person of honor" kind of encouragement.

That being said. I really appreciate my mother-in-law for her encouraging words to me. I also really appreciate Jeff Boyd's encouraging words to my husband about a month ago. You have no idea how they help build up a spirit that has been drug through the dirt to many times in the past few months. Thank you so much. What a blessing you have been in our lives.

I love you Suzanne.

Musings of a Bitter Woman at 4am.

So here it is, almost 4 in the morning, and I'm awake, out of bed, and freezing my bum off because I'm sitting at the kitchen table. I want to be in my nice warm bed with my husband and dog, but I'm not. My eyes just popped open at 3 and I couldn't get back to sleep. I tried to pray (because I figure that's what you do when your eyes pop open unexpectedly) but my prayers ended up in a bitter diatribe about how you can't be young and live in Baker and expect to make any money to speak of. And what on earth does God want us to do? Because I'm willing to move if that's what we need to do, we just need to be pointed in the right direction. Any direction at this point would be a welcome insight into our lives. So, I got up. I figured God has probably heard it a thousand times already anyway.

We watched "PS I Love You" last night. I have to say that if I were in any kind of sentimental mood I would have wept through the entire movie, happy or sad parts (I am my mothers daughter after all). I liked it. I'm not sure if I'd own it, mainly because I don't like movies that make me cry. It's a happy movie, but there are parts of it that are pretty tear jerking, especially if you have a husband and can comiserate. But overall (ARLY) it's a happy movie and you should see it. Trust me, it doesn't end sad.

Funny story, I asked Rob to mow the grass on Friday after he got home from work. To which he said "I'm really tired right now, I'll do it tomorrow (Saturday) after I get home at 4" I said "Ooooookay, you could do it now and get it over with". Needless to say, his viewpoint won the day and I waited until Saturday morning to bring it up again. I said "You know, if you wait until this evening I bet ya that even though it's not on the forecast for today, it'll rain. You won't mow the grass, and you'll be in DEEP trouble". To which he said "I know. I'm still going to wait until this afternoon to do it". Fine. Have it your way. So....going along the day very nicely. Looking at the amazon rainforest that has become our backyard. Doing some preliminary sketches for Pride and Prejudice this summer and lo and behold...it begins raining. And not just light drip drip drop raining, a torrential downpour of the wettest/coldest kind ensues. Hail, thunder, lightening. The heavens open up and there begins one of the heaviest rainstorms of the season so far. Rob got on MSN and basically said "I'm in trouble". Big time buddy...big time.

Ok, I'm done rambling for now. My feet are really cold and I need to warm them up under a blanket. I'm going to try reading and see if that doesn't help. Maybe munch on some toast. Hopefully I get back to sleep or I'm going to be one wonderful person come daylight.