I've been going through a bit of that lately. No, not lately really. I'd say for the past two months I've been feeling like the ugliest person on earth. My pants have shrunk, my shirts have fallen apart, and my hair is a wreck. I'm finding more and more gray hair everyday, and wrinkles have started to appear on my forehead. In fact, if I started muttering to myself and shuffling around with a carpet bag and slippers I could certifiably count as one of the crazies you see on the street.
I've tried my hand at a personal renaissance, trying to buy clothes that aren't my typical "jeans and T-shirts" "style" and technically I'm still attempting it. But the last time I bought clothes they were still off the sales rack, and I feel like a cheap imitation of a designer model.
I get made fun of for my untanned legs, my height, and my chunky body type. People here don't seem to understand about individuality. If you don't fit into a group, you're weird. If you don't strive to be sunkissed, or spend money outside your means, or wear heels to church then you get frowned at. And frankly, I've never cared if people frowned at my individuality, but it seems like it just gets me down quicker here, than it did in Oregon.
When I was a little girl I felt pretty, I didn't care about my body type, and I just accepted myself for who I was (even in a swimsuit with my little girl tummy pooching out.) When did that stop? When did the voice from "others" become more important to my self esteem than my own voice? Did it happen in childhood? Did it happen as a teenager? Did it happen when I moved to Texas where some things just "aren't done" when it comes to matters of attire and physical beauty?
When did the saying "being beautiful on the inside" start meaning you were fat and ugly on the outside?
3 comments:
You are beautiful!
Oh so beautiful!
Why dous you thinkath not?
You are your worst critic.
Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
Love you.
Was that a poem Mom wrote? I'm impressed.
Now, you tell me to knock it off when I get on kicks like this, so I'm here to tell you "KNOCK IT OFF!" :) Did that help?
I understand what you're saying. Maybe you should start exercising or something. I hate it, but after I'm done I always feel better about myself. Just a thought.
As for things that aren't done? I'm queen of things that aren't done. Like socks with sandals. Just think, while they all blend in with each other, you're always remembered. HAHAHAhaha.
girl you are hot. i've seen the pics on facebook, and everytime i say to myself, "Abby is so pretty." truly and seriously. But i know how you feel too. We all (i think boys too cause thomas does) have those days/weeks/months of ugly. I did learn a trick that works if i can get myself to do it: whenever those mean nasty thoughts come into my head and i berate myself for being ugly, saggy, fat, etc. i tell the devil to get away from me. Sometimes i say it verbally. that's not the way God sees us and it's not the way we should see us. Good advice, but tough in practice i know. But sometimes just remembering that and banishing the devil helps. I love banishing the devil, if nothing else it's sorta funny. ;)
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